You know that person who’s head over heels for you, always available, always willing to go the extra mile? The one who’s ready to drop everything just to spend time with you? Ironically, this is often the person who ends up resenting you the most.

This might sound harsh, but it doesn’t mean the love isn’t real. Loving someone, however, doesn’t mean sacrificing self-respect or boundaries. I used to think I wanted to be with someone who loved me intensely, but as I’ve learned, too much devotion can also be a red flag. Often, people who give too much can appear selfless, but in reality, we all act with some level of self-interest. According to The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene, it’s part of human nature to be at least somewhat narcissistic, even when we believe we’re acting out of love. We do things that feel good to us, often without realizing that our actions may actually be fulfilling our own needs rather than benefiting the other person.

As I’ve matured, I’ve realized I only want to be around people who have a strong sense of self. Whether it’s in friendships or romantic relationships, I now value those who prioritize themselves. I know this because I was once someone who loved too intensely, often expecting the same level of dedication in return. When I look back, I see that it wasn’t anyone else’s fault. I didn’t have enough self-respect; I was willing to cross oceans for people who hadn’t asked for it. I felt entitled to reciprocity, thinking that my efforts should be rewarded simply because I put them in.

After all, what’s the point of a relationship if it’s fueled by obsession? Both partners should be able to grow individually, whether as friends or as a couple. From my own experience, I’ve seen that people who go all in are often doing so because they lack something themselves. They’ll project their needs onto you, hoping you’ll fill the gap or boost their ego. And, as naive as I was, I bought into it.  Don’t let anyone dim your light just because they seem ready to give you the world. True love and happiness comes from within, and if they don’t know that yet, keep moving.