The problem with me is that I believe everything you say. I probably still believe you now. Because I do. And the other problem is that I can’t get this feeling out of my head. A sense of danger. Of being unsafe. Like if I stay with you, I will never truly be at peace.

When I think about it, it wasn’t so much about the words you said or the things you did. It was about what wasn’t said. What wasn’t done. The things you avoided. The things I could never see, or hear, or smell. I can’t find the right words for it, because how do you name something that only lives in the back of someone else’s mind?

And maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m wrong. But that’s not even the point. The point is I can’t get it out of my head. So whether it’s you or me doesn’t really matter anymore. I’ve been through hell before. I know exactly what it feels like. I’ve walked that road, and I recognize the path. My body knows it before my mind can catch up. Something in me shivers at what I don’t know, but deeply feel.

I could be wrong. And that’s the terrifying part. Because if I’m wrong, why do I feel this way? Why can’t I shake it? Why does it keep clawing at my thoughts, driving me insane? I’ve learned to love both the beautiful and the ugly in life, but this feels different. It feels like a demon whispering in my ear… saying things I can’t understand, but can’t ignore.

I’m lost. I want a way out. I feel trapped inside this madness, and all I want is to be free of it.

My love for you was real. It was the realest thing I’ve ever known. And maybe that’s why it hurts this much. Because something so true turned into so much agony. I’m wounded, and I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover, unless I learn how to heal myself. And right now, I don’t even know where to begin.

I feel hopeless.